I'm home!

Feels like I was gone forever. My weekend was spent with family, in a beautiful little town nestled in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We go every year in August, when the county fair is there. This year was a first, neither of my grandparents were there. My grandfather passed away in March of '04, and my grandmother is in a hospital in Reno, within days of dying. It is still important to me to go, for the children's sake, and also for my mother who is obviously taking everything a lot harder than me. We had a great time, despite the knowledge of my grandmothers health.

The good stuff~

The stars. I sat on the second level deck with my aunt and drank wine as we watched the meteor shower. Unbelievable. It sickens me that I can't see even a fraction of the stars here in the city, as you can up there. But we had a wonderful time, laughing, reminiscing and catching up. My neck is sore, but it was well worth it.

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My grandfather has a mine on his property, we call it the crystal mine, but I suppose it was originally a gold mine, and the quartz is what was blasted all over the area while mining. Anyhow, as a child my cousins and I picked it over pretty good, and though we can still find handfuls of crystals each visit, I wanted to make it a little more exciting for the kids. So I bought some crystals and hiked up to the mine yesterday and planted them. Today I took my niece and nephew (their first time) and my twins up to the mine, and OMG, it was so worth it! They were so giddy at finding all the large beautiful crystals everywhere. My 4 year old nephew thinks he found "diamonds" and he was ecstatic. Of course he and my niece were just as thrilled with the rocks they were finding, but my two were genuinely excited about the crystals they found.

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We started a family tradition to have a party each year celebrating our anniversaries, all together since it is so hard to keep up all year long. They make homemade ice cream, barbecue, play croquet, volleyball, ping-pong, you name it. My family is jacked up, like everyone's I suppose, but we all put on our happy faces and get along for the weekend. Some are easy to be with and others, well, not so much. But it was a good time.

The bad stuff~

Of course there will always be some things that are not as we would like, or are hard to do. This weekend was no exception.

After the crystal mine, we hiked over to my grandparents house to look around, and to see the animals (they lived on a ranch) . Well, for the first time in my life, the house was empty, and locked. We couldn't get in. It was a sobering feeling to know that this was the new reality. To know that everything has changed, and my childhood playground was no longer open. It was sad, and while I do not easily get emotional, I really had to work on stifling it at that moment. The worst part? My grandpa's dog was still there, on the porch. He is so old he can't see, he can barely move. Why has nobody put him down? He must be so lonely. My uncle lives on the same road, and he goes over everyday to feed the animals, so the dog wasn't starving, but it clearly needs to be put out of it's misery.

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DH and I got along pretty well this weekend. We usually do, and my family loves him, so it was not unusual , but what was unusual was my still constant need to be left alone. I offended him so much this weekend. I'd say I was going for a walk, and I wouldn't invite him. I'd sit in the car, listening to music, and when he'd come to check on me, I'd tell him I wanted to be alone. I'd be quiet and when he asked what was wrong, I'd say I had a headache. I feel myself pulling away from him. I feel so badly about it. He really doesn't deserve it. He does everything right, and yet to me, everything is wrong. My family would disown me if I ever messed up my marriage. I couldn't be happy with anyone else, so I know I have to do something.

So that was my weekend. And believe it or not, I left out a lot of stuff. If anyone made it this far, I'm impressed. I'm glad to be back and now will go catch up with everyone I've missed!