yay, the kids are at mom and dads so DH and I got some alone time. We went to dinner, then took our walk, then to a movie (more on that later) and then home for shots and play time. we had the usual foreplay fight I start, and then DH insisted on getting some drinks, so I had about four shots of Goldschlager, now I am more than a little too out of it to blog. But, overall, great night. Great day really, spent it shopping with my parents. My dad and I love to banter, and we also love to make fun of my mom, so we always have a good time. Poor mom. Anyhow, about the movie, we saw the wedding crashers, and right in front of us sat a mom and her four year old daughter. It is so hard to enjoy a movie when you are cringing everytime they say the F word, or show something innapropriate for a kid. It really pisses me off to see that. Not to mention that it was after 10pm when the movie started, so why the hell was the little girl out so late?
Am I being judgemental? Is it normal for parents to take kids to rated R movies? Maybe I am just overly sensitive, or protective, but I hate seeing that. Mine have still never seen anything rated R, and they are going to be 10. So tell me, am I wrong? I'd really love another perspective...
night!
please forgive me my mispellings, I can't get my spellcheck to work here, and like I said, I've had a few too many.
Sunday, July 31, 2005
Friday, July 29, 2005
Ok, first of all, I finally got a call back from my Doctor with test results. Much to my shock, he said they came back "normal". WTH? Then why do I wake up in pain all the time? Why can I feel it in there right now? I am absolutley shocked. I fully expected to be told I had a cyst, tumor, something! So now he says, if the pain gets worse, come back in. Ok? Just live with it I guess? So DH is pissed, and wants me to go back in, but honestly...I am glad I don't have to have another surgery. I was so sure I would need one. Plus, I now know that I am clear on a bunch of things most people don't even get checked for (I have no idea what, but they did do a lot of tests). So thats the update on my health.
In other news, my kids are still driving me freaking crazy! I am going to ask DH to take them somwhere for a weekend, or I am going to leave for a weekend. Not sure when, but I feel the need coming on pretty strongly. I'll see if I can make it through the rest of the summer, but I'm not sure.
Another weird thing that has happened lately, I've lost all desire to eat. My daily diet is something like this:
breakfast~ dry shredded wheat
lunch~ nectarine, or yogurt
Dinner~ usually protein, a turkey burger or something, and nothing more.
I used to like eating, then one day recently I seemed to have replaced food with water. I have no idea what this means, and for now I welcome it since I would love to drop a few pounds. We'll see what happens with this as well. DH is on me pretty hard about eating right, so I can't get away with not eating at all, but I wish I could. Like I don't have the energy to think about food.
That's all that is new with me right now. thanks for checking in...*smooches*
eta~have to laugh at myself for posting something as boring as my diet. Guess I was really looking for something to blog about. :)
In other news, my kids are still driving me freaking crazy! I am going to ask DH to take them somwhere for a weekend, or I am going to leave for a weekend. Not sure when, but I feel the need coming on pretty strongly. I'll see if I can make it through the rest of the summer, but I'm not sure.
Another weird thing that has happened lately, I've lost all desire to eat. My daily diet is something like this:
breakfast~ dry shredded wheat
lunch~ nectarine, or yogurt
Dinner~ usually protein, a turkey burger or something, and nothing more.
I used to like eating, then one day recently I seemed to have replaced food with water. I have no idea what this means, and for now I welcome it since I would love to drop a few pounds. We'll see what happens with this as well. DH is on me pretty hard about eating right, so I can't get away with not eating at all, but I wish I could. Like I don't have the energy to think about food.
That's all that is new with me right now. thanks for checking in...*smooches*
eta~have to laugh at myself for posting something as boring as my diet. Guess I was really looking for something to blog about. :)
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Saturday gone already?
Wow, this weekend snuck up on me and now it's almost over. Today I took DD and her friend to see a play. We go periodically to the local theatre. Today it was The Little Mermaid, and was a little too immature for them. But we had fun anyways.
Tomorrow we are having a goodbye dinner for some friends who are moving to Arizona. Very sad, they are taking DS's best friend with them. Plus John has been a very good friend to me, and we often enjoyed eachother's company on field trips and whatnot. It's funny, he has a very playful/obnoxious personality, but I cannot imagine not seeing him all the time. He had a knack for always coming over during the day at the worst possible time, and he always wanted to stay and talk. While it bugged the crap out of me most of the time, I will miss it. He knew he was bugging me, and he loved it. He would always laugh and say, "Who loves you, baby?". Oh geez, now I might cry. Change of subject....
Update: I woke DH up for a 2am booty call, (remember he was being all whiny?) anyways, he ended up not being able to go back to sleep, (this was Thursday) and so he stayed awake from 2am on and had to go to work with little sleep. Kinda funny, I think. :D (but I am also kinda mean)
So that's it for now. Tomorrow should be interesting, and sad, and busy.
*smooches*
Tomorrow we are having a goodbye dinner for some friends who are moving to Arizona. Very sad, they are taking DS's best friend with them. Plus John has been a very good friend to me, and we often enjoyed eachother's company on field trips and whatnot. It's funny, he has a very playful/obnoxious personality, but I cannot imagine not seeing him all the time. He had a knack for always coming over during the day at the worst possible time, and he always wanted to stay and talk. While it bugged the crap out of me most of the time, I will miss it. He knew he was bugging me, and he loved it. He would always laugh and say, "Who loves you, baby?". Oh geez, now I might cry. Change of subject....
Update: I woke DH up for a 2am booty call, (remember he was being all whiny?) anyways, he ended up not being able to go back to sleep, (this was Thursday) and so he stayed awake from 2am on and had to go to work with little sleep. Kinda funny, I think. :D (but I am also kinda mean)
So that's it for now. Tomorrow should be interesting, and sad, and busy.
*smooches*
Thursday, July 21, 2005
untitled
I have no idea why I try to blog so late at night. And why am I excited that I have Valium sitting here on my desk? I get to take one tomorrow, to help me get through the CAT Scan. I don't know if I can do it though. I guess I need to trust the drug to do it's job.
DH thinks he might die, because I have withheld sex for a whole week. Not to be mean or anything. It's just *that* time, ya know? Just makes me wonder how other couples do things. I told him to take care of himself and in his most whiny voice he says "it's not the same". Waaaaahhhh....
Maybe I'm not empathetic enough. Eh, I'm up too stupid late to care.
So wish me luck, soon I will know what is wrong with me. Or worse, I won't. I'm guessing I'll get results soon after the test is done, maybe within a day or two.
Oh and one more thing. My kids are going to be the death of me. They are fighting so badly that I have resorted to wearing ear plugs around the house. I know when they are tattling but I just smile and nod. It pisses them off but in the end they work things out on their own. And to give you an idea of how bad things are, they fight over the following;
~which garbage can they get to pull up from the street (because color really matters, dammit)
~which chair they sit in during meals (no obvious benefit I can see)
~which side of the car they sit on (no obvious benefit I can see)
~who has the remote (obvious benefit)
~whether one saw the magical hour of 1:11, 2:22, 3:33 (etc, you get the point) and didn't tell the other so they could make their wish together.
~which bathroom they get to use if (god forbid) they need to go at the same time
~who has to feed the cat....I could go on and on, but i'll spare you.
So this is me updating my blog just to update it. I'll try to get something quality up here soon. Thanks for coming by....
DH thinks he might die, because I have withheld sex for a whole week. Not to be mean or anything. It's just *that* time, ya know? Just makes me wonder how other couples do things. I told him to take care of himself and in his most whiny voice he says "it's not the same". Waaaaahhhh....
Maybe I'm not empathetic enough. Eh, I'm up too stupid late to care.
So wish me luck, soon I will know what is wrong with me. Or worse, I won't. I'm guessing I'll get results soon after the test is done, maybe within a day or two.
Oh and one more thing. My kids are going to be the death of me. They are fighting so badly that I have resorted to wearing ear plugs around the house. I know when they are tattling but I just smile and nod. It pisses them off but in the end they work things out on their own. And to give you an idea of how bad things are, they fight over the following;
~which garbage can they get to pull up from the street (because color really matters, dammit)
~which chair they sit in during meals (no obvious benefit I can see)
~which side of the car they sit on (no obvious benefit I can see)
~who has the remote (obvious benefit)
~whether one saw the magical hour of 1:11, 2:22, 3:33 (etc, you get the point) and didn't tell the other so they could make their wish together.
~which bathroom they get to use if (god forbid) they need to go at the same time
~who has to feed the cat....I could go on and on, but i'll spare you.
So this is me updating my blog just to update it. I'll try to get something quality up here soon. Thanks for coming by....
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Willy Wonka
I just got back from taking the kids to see it tonight. I'm shocked they stayed awake, if it hadn't been freezing in the theatre I would have been asleep myself. I didn't care for the movie at all. Everyone else loved it, (DH and parents went as well). Willy was just too weird for me. C'mon, if you are going to use Johnny Depp then make him hot for goodness sakes!
Ouch! I keep forgetting that I tore two knuckles of my hand yesterday at my moms. Trying to water for her and I couldn't turn the damn water off so I used all my strength and of course the handle turned so suddenly it threw my hand forward onto the house where it got scraped up pretty good. Now I keep doing everyday stuff like washing my hands or applying lotion and I forget every time and end up swearing in pain. Wow, that was an exciting story, wasn't it?
See? Come to my blog and you get my very important movie review and a real neat injury story. You should come by more often. *smooches*
Ouch! I keep forgetting that I tore two knuckles of my hand yesterday at my moms. Trying to water for her and I couldn't turn the damn water off so I used all my strength and of course the handle turned so suddenly it threw my hand forward onto the house where it got scraped up pretty good. Now I keep doing everyday stuff like washing my hands or applying lotion and I forget every time and end up swearing in pain. Wow, that was an exciting story, wasn't it?
See? Come to my blog and you get my very important movie review and a real neat injury story. You should come by more often. *smooches*
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Money, money, money
So today my DH calls me and says he needs money. Why? you ask. Because over 6 months ago when we got our new carpet, he didn't pay for it. The guy he works for finally asked him today for it. I normally have a pretty casual attitude about money but today...it pissed me off royally.
Everytime we have any money, it is gone before we know where it went. So last time, I tell DH we should put it in my account, where it will be safe. More than once we have gone through thousands of dollars without realizing it. Of course we are able to look back and see where some of it goes but a lot of the time it's just gone. We like to play, we like to take the kids out and do stuff but this is freaking ridiculous. So for safe keeping it is in my bank now. And now today I had to transfer $1000 to his account. He never even told me we didn't pay for the carpet originally. I thought it was paid for back when we had the money for it. Now? We don't. I had to cough it up of course but it hurts. It's not just extra money. We are not rich. We are struggling like everyone else, paycheck to paycheck.
Last month I asked him for our account balance and we were down 2 grand. I didn't get angry, I didn't say much. I was heartsick of course but I knew it wasn't entirely his fault. I was so proud of myself for being good about it. Well today was a different story. When he got home I laid into him pretty hard. He felt like an ass (which is good) and he went back to work. The problem is I'm still pissed about it. When he got off work, I asked him to take the kids and go somewhere. Anywhere. Just go. He just called me and is taking them out to dinner, after buying DS some new shoes and stuff. I needed to vent so here it is. I feel like a bitch. I just can't help it. I'm trying so hard to have a savings account and he just screwed it up by not being responsible. Did he think the carpet guys would forget? Hello? Ugh! He's on my shit list right now and he doesn't even know it. I know I have to let it go but I think I will do it tomorrow. Sorry for the rant.
Everytime we have any money, it is gone before we know where it went. So last time, I tell DH we should put it in my account, where it will be safe. More than once we have gone through thousands of dollars without realizing it. Of course we are able to look back and see where some of it goes but a lot of the time it's just gone. We like to play, we like to take the kids out and do stuff but this is freaking ridiculous. So for safe keeping it is in my bank now. And now today I had to transfer $1000 to his account. He never even told me we didn't pay for the carpet originally. I thought it was paid for back when we had the money for it. Now? We don't. I had to cough it up of course but it hurts. It's not just extra money. We are not rich. We are struggling like everyone else, paycheck to paycheck.
Last month I asked him for our account balance and we were down 2 grand. I didn't get angry, I didn't say much. I was heartsick of course but I knew it wasn't entirely his fault. I was so proud of myself for being good about it. Well today was a different story. When he got home I laid into him pretty hard. He felt like an ass (which is good) and he went back to work. The problem is I'm still pissed about it. When he got off work, I asked him to take the kids and go somewhere. Anywhere. Just go. He just called me and is taking them out to dinner, after buying DS some new shoes and stuff. I needed to vent so here it is. I feel like a bitch. I just can't help it. I'm trying so hard to have a savings account and he just screwed it up by not being responsible. Did he think the carpet guys would forget? Hello? Ugh! He's on my shit list right now and he doesn't even know it. I know I have to let it go but I think I will do it tomorrow. Sorry for the rant.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
anyone want to psychoanalyze me?
So after writing about my wonderful DH, let me now say he has screwed up before.
My questions are these;
Do all men look at porn? Do all men really lust after our friends?
Do they call phone sex lines? Do they secretly want more than we are willing to give?
I already said my husband is a good man. He is. He has (in my opinion) majorly screwed up 5 times in our marriage.
1st time~I thought he had stopped smoking pot right after we were married. Shortly after that he hired his old best friend to work for him and a couple months later I found his pipe, visine and a lighter hidden in our closet. (what an idiot to hide them there, really) So I confront him and he admits it. He was at work during the confrontation. So I naturally gather up his old bongs, pipes, lighters etc., and I put them in an old duffel bag. I put the bag in the trash can outside long enough to get covered in ants. Then I drive it over to his friends house and put it all in the front seat of his car. (very mature, I know) I blamed his friend which was wrong. So he swears off of it and as far as I know hasn't gone back. Sometimes I'm tempted to smoke it still, since I never had a fair shot at trying it, but I figure we're past that now and we have kids so...that's it.
2nd time~Found out he had called a phone sex thingy when I was out of town. Busted him, cried about it, threw a fit, he said he would never do it again.
3rd time~ More porn, this time he paid for it off of the cable channel. Again, when I was out of town. This time I called him some names, I threatened to leave him since I couldn't trust him. He really didn't see the connection to the phone sex thing since he thought I just didn't want him talking to someone real.
4th time~ The worst ever. I know I have womens intuition. I know it. I was ok with all the people he worked with until this one girl Jennifer was hired. I had heard of her through some friends of friends, but had never seen her. So I drive out to his work for luch one day and we are talking about all his co-workers and I say look, I know you go out to lunch with a lot of people but please don't ever go out with just her. I wouldn't like, don't trust it. He looks confused and says ok.
Weeks later, my little brother says he saw my husbands car at a restaraunt but he didn't go in to see him. So later, I casually ask him who he was at lunch with. He answers me with "Jennifer".
Then he admits he has been going to lunch with her for a while now, just the two of them. He got very defensive and said he never understood my problem with it and didn't feel like he had to make an ass of himself and tell her he had to stop, after I had asked him not to. So he continued. Sometimes they went with a group, sometimes alone. She even rode in his truck with him. I felt like he had cheated on me. He had hidden a friendship from me, because...well, why? Why was she so important that he lied to me about her? The funny thing about her was that she was going to lunch with some other married men and when their wives found out, they had to tell her they couldn't anymore. She was very friendly with all the men. Now, I kind of wonder sometimes if anything else ever happend, I don't think it did. Partly because of his defensive nature when I found out. If he had been feeling guilty, he would have been more apologetic, but he really didn't get it, didn't understand. Until of course I asked him if it was ok if I secretly went out with another man. Then he shut up and got it. It still bothers me to this day that it happend, and that was 5 years ago. We no longer have the truck but I never did get in it again. I refused to be where she was. I never even went out to see him at work again. It was very ugly at the time.
5th time~ Not so bad really. His buddy, the one who tried to get him to go to a strip club, the one we found out not long ago is sleeping with my DH's mother, came over while my MIL was in town (go figure) and the three of them went out to dinner. I had been gone all day with the kids at an amusement park. So I get home and I can tell he is buzzed. I ask him privately how much he'd had and he says 1 tall beer. I say ok, I want to put the kids to bed and join them in the living room, get a wine cooler or whatever. I come out and I can tell he is way more wasted than I thought.
Then I realize he is still drinking rum and coke as we were speaking. I couldn't believe he didn't tell me. So I go in our room when he comes in I say WTF? Why didn't you just tell me you were drunk? He started being an ass, being too loud and IMO, just being a jerk. I told him I would have loved to drink with them all but I had just needed to know where he was at mentally so I knew whether to put the kids down myself. He pissed me off by being loud enough for my MIL to know what we were talking about. So I said screw it, I'm going to bed.
I thought he would come in to talk to me and when he didn't, I was so pissed I did something I'm incredibly embarassed about. I went out our bedroom window, and was going to leave. As I was sneaking out the side of the house I realized he and his friend were outside talking. This is when I overhear his friend saying he had cheated on his wife. He didn't even say he cheated, he just talked about a hot blonde with big tits that he slept with. I guess to "cheat" you would have to feel guilt in some way. But anyways, he asked DH why I was so upset and to his credit, DH says it was his fault, he lied to me.
I still left, went to my brothers house and called DH at home, where we had an awesome fight. I swore at him, said things I never thought I would have. I say it was awesome because I do love to fight. I get a rush out of it. DH, on the other hand refuses to fight. He hates arguing at all. But that night, I let off some steam and regretfully went home, since I didn't want his mother to know I had even left. That was our last real fight, and that about 2-3 years ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So now, let me clarify some things. First of all, I do not think porn is bad. In fact, it's a long time joke between DH and I that every anniversary when we go away, I want him to buy some. The thing is, I grew up not even watching ratedR movies, so porn has always been somewhat fascinating to me. Until of course I get it, and then think "what is the fuss all about..this stuff does nothing for me" But anyways, I have often asked him to view it with me, and I tend to be more vulgar than he is most of the time. He thinks it's because his mother was so open about it all when he was a teenager. She would buy all the boys magazines and movies, she got off on it. She is a twisted mother if you ask me. So DH had his share of porn while he was a teenager, and so now it doesn't do so much for him. (so he says)
The reason this is all even an issue is because today I went into his email and saw two spam ads for porn stuff. (ftr, we share our email accounts) I asked him about it and he says he doesn't know why he's getting it. I say "do you look at porn?" He say's "yeah, a little". Again, I'm like WTF? I look at Milf sometimes, I think it's a riot. I usually look at it while he's right here in the room with me though. He says he has looked at Milf too, and that's it. I asked him to please not jerk off under our computer desk. That kind of pissed him off, he says he's only looked out of curiosity a couple of times. What do I make of all this? Is this all normal? What does it mean?
So, any one want to psycho analyze me? Or my DH for that matter...
My questions are these;
Do all men look at porn? Do all men really lust after our friends?
Do they call phone sex lines? Do they secretly want more than we are willing to give?
I already said my husband is a good man. He is. He has (in my opinion) majorly screwed up 5 times in our marriage.
1st time~I thought he had stopped smoking pot right after we were married. Shortly after that he hired his old best friend to work for him and a couple months later I found his pipe, visine and a lighter hidden in our closet. (what an idiot to hide them there, really) So I confront him and he admits it. He was at work during the confrontation. So I naturally gather up his old bongs, pipes, lighters etc., and I put them in an old duffel bag. I put the bag in the trash can outside long enough to get covered in ants. Then I drive it over to his friends house and put it all in the front seat of his car. (very mature, I know) I blamed his friend which was wrong. So he swears off of it and as far as I know hasn't gone back. Sometimes I'm tempted to smoke it still, since I never had a fair shot at trying it, but I figure we're past that now and we have kids so...that's it.
2nd time~Found out he had called a phone sex thingy when I was out of town. Busted him, cried about it, threw a fit, he said he would never do it again.
3rd time~ More porn, this time he paid for it off of the cable channel. Again, when I was out of town. This time I called him some names, I threatened to leave him since I couldn't trust him. He really didn't see the connection to the phone sex thing since he thought I just didn't want him talking to someone real.
4th time~ The worst ever. I know I have womens intuition. I know it. I was ok with all the people he worked with until this one girl Jennifer was hired. I had heard of her through some friends of friends, but had never seen her. So I drive out to his work for luch one day and we are talking about all his co-workers and I say look, I know you go out to lunch with a lot of people but please don't ever go out with just her. I wouldn't like, don't trust it. He looks confused and says ok.
Weeks later, my little brother says he saw my husbands car at a restaraunt but he didn't go in to see him. So later, I casually ask him who he was at lunch with. He answers me with "Jennifer".
Then he admits he has been going to lunch with her for a while now, just the two of them. He got very defensive and said he never understood my problem with it and didn't feel like he had to make an ass of himself and tell her he had to stop, after I had asked him not to. So he continued. Sometimes they went with a group, sometimes alone. She even rode in his truck with him. I felt like he had cheated on me. He had hidden a friendship from me, because...well, why? Why was she so important that he lied to me about her? The funny thing about her was that she was going to lunch with some other married men and when their wives found out, they had to tell her they couldn't anymore. She was very friendly with all the men. Now, I kind of wonder sometimes if anything else ever happend, I don't think it did. Partly because of his defensive nature when I found out. If he had been feeling guilty, he would have been more apologetic, but he really didn't get it, didn't understand. Until of course I asked him if it was ok if I secretly went out with another man. Then he shut up and got it. It still bothers me to this day that it happend, and that was 5 years ago. We no longer have the truck but I never did get in it again. I refused to be where she was. I never even went out to see him at work again. It was very ugly at the time.
5th time~ Not so bad really. His buddy, the one who tried to get him to go to a strip club, the one we found out not long ago is sleeping with my DH's mother, came over while my MIL was in town (go figure) and the three of them went out to dinner. I had been gone all day with the kids at an amusement park. So I get home and I can tell he is buzzed. I ask him privately how much he'd had and he says 1 tall beer. I say ok, I want to put the kids to bed and join them in the living room, get a wine cooler or whatever. I come out and I can tell he is way more wasted than I thought.
Then I realize he is still drinking rum and coke as we were speaking. I couldn't believe he didn't tell me. So I go in our room when he comes in I say WTF? Why didn't you just tell me you were drunk? He started being an ass, being too loud and IMO, just being a jerk. I told him I would have loved to drink with them all but I had just needed to know where he was at mentally so I knew whether to put the kids down myself. He pissed me off by being loud enough for my MIL to know what we were talking about. So I said screw it, I'm going to bed.
I thought he would come in to talk to me and when he didn't, I was so pissed I did something I'm incredibly embarassed about. I went out our bedroom window, and was going to leave. As I was sneaking out the side of the house I realized he and his friend were outside talking. This is when I overhear his friend saying he had cheated on his wife. He didn't even say he cheated, he just talked about a hot blonde with big tits that he slept with. I guess to "cheat" you would have to feel guilt in some way. But anyways, he asked DH why I was so upset and to his credit, DH says it was his fault, he lied to me.
I still left, went to my brothers house and called DH at home, where we had an awesome fight. I swore at him, said things I never thought I would have. I say it was awesome because I do love to fight. I get a rush out of it. DH, on the other hand refuses to fight. He hates arguing at all. But that night, I let off some steam and regretfully went home, since I didn't want his mother to know I had even left. That was our last real fight, and that about 2-3 years ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So now, let me clarify some things. First of all, I do not think porn is bad. In fact, it's a long time joke between DH and I that every anniversary when we go away, I want him to buy some. The thing is, I grew up not even watching ratedR movies, so porn has always been somewhat fascinating to me. Until of course I get it, and then think "what is the fuss all about..this stuff does nothing for me" But anyways, I have often asked him to view it with me, and I tend to be more vulgar than he is most of the time. He thinks it's because his mother was so open about it all when he was a teenager. She would buy all the boys magazines and movies, she got off on it. She is a twisted mother if you ask me. So DH had his share of porn while he was a teenager, and so now it doesn't do so much for him. (so he says)
The reason this is all even an issue is because today I went into his email and saw two spam ads for porn stuff. (ftr, we share our email accounts) I asked him about it and he says he doesn't know why he's getting it. I say "do you look at porn?" He say's "yeah, a little". Again, I'm like WTF? I look at Milf sometimes, I think it's a riot. I usually look at it while he's right here in the room with me though. He says he has looked at Milf too, and that's it. I asked him to please not jerk off under our computer desk. That kind of pissed him off, he says he's only looked out of curiosity a couple of times. What do I make of all this? Is this all normal? What does it mean?
So, any one want to psycho analyze me? Or my DH for that matter...
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