After reading the comments in my last post, I realized we all have something in common. A lot of us have a significant other, who we do not include in our OT life. I was relieved to know that I am not the only one who has gotten weird looks for referring to the peeps here as my friends. I have been very open with DH about OT. I don't tell him I regularly pm with one peep, a man who lives near me, because I know he would worry. He would think it was suspicious. The funny thing though is that it is not. I was amazed at first how very platonic you can be with the opposite sex. I never really had the opportunity to try it before. I was married young, and went from living with my parents to being a married mom (yes, the kids came first). So this is a new concept for me, and I like it. I have to admit though, that if DH had an online female "friend", I would probably not be cool with it. I guess I am hypocritical.
But other people don't understand the dynamic at OT. My parents would literally freak out if they knew about how much time I spend here, about the people I consider friends. Recently my mother "confronted" me about whether or not I spend time in chat rooms. She seems to think that because I am dieting and working out that maybe I found someone online. I can understand her concern, it is after all, how I met DH. I was 17 then and my parents were not too pleased with it. But still. I had to tell her that no, I do NOT have a boyfriend online. But I also couldn't tell her that I do indeed have friends here. She would have thought I was "up to something". *sigh*
I recently mentioned OT to a friend of mine (had to explain something I had said) and she asked me to email her the link to it, but I have not done it. I don't want anyone from my RL to be here. This is the place I can talk about my real life problems and friends without having to worry about hurting anyone. I'd like to eventually meet someone. Both Wanda, Bravie and MCatt live close enough to me, but I know DH would not like it at all. Right now, with my other problems with him, I don't need to add fuel to the fire. But someday, I would really like to.
So my question is, what does YOUR significant other, think of us? And do you want to keep OT to yourself? And do you flirt here, moreso than in real life? And do you think you will do a peep meet, if you haven't already?
(note to coco, if you come by, please go easy on me. I'm still learning the whole apostrophe thing)
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18 comments:
Ah my DH knows all about OT and my blog. I don't think he reads OT at all. He knows it is there. I would prefer he does not but if he is curious I have nothing to hide. I do understand your feelings. I don't think I would want my RL friends there. Dh bleongs to another message board...Adult Swim and I don't read his stuff there. Kind of a mutual respect thing I guess.
My blog though he reads. My RL friends read it also. I want DH to set up a blog as well. My RL friends have been asking who all the people posting there are and how I know so many people in other states! I tell them I have a secret life.
DH sort of knows about it all. Like I said before, he's well aware of my mommy groups. He vaguely knows of OT. I'd probably tell him more if he was remotely interested in it. He doesn't know about my blog, but...it's more one of those if he asked or saw it, I'd tell him and probably share it with him. He thinks I'm nuts for spending as much time on the computer as I do. But he also realizes that I need my escape, as much as he needs his.
And so we go.. lol. I wouldn't want my RL friends on OT. They wouldn't understand. They aren't the reality junkies we are, and most aren't into computer friends either. I know, they're weird. What can I say? *grin*
With all that said...it wouldn't be difficult for DH to check up on OT or my blog if he chooses. Both are listed on my favorites link. My username and password are the same for nearly everything - and he's aware of that. I don't have anything to hide, and I don't do anything online that I wouldn't do with him around. BUT...I'd probably get a bit upset and feel like a kid who's mom read her diary if he did check in on it without telling me.
I don't keep OT a secret at all. To anybody. Michelle found it very strange at first and very suspicious. Up until the time that she met Ginger and Catt for the first time. That made her feel beeter. Sometimes she gets jealous and feels that I like OT better than her but we are working past that. My mother thinks it is great and loves that I meet people that I chat with. Nobody can ever understand how OT is different from other chat places so I don't try and explain.
Most of my friends know and just sort of roll their eyes. I recently introduced Mikki D to this world and I think she is starting to "get it". The whole friends thing.
I do flirt here, but I also flirt in real life. I probably do flirt more here though because i am more confident behind a screen where nobody can see me.
Maybe if DH went with you on a peep meet he might feel better? I know that was when Michelle started to feel better about it.
She now understands that this is a part of my life and it isn't going away.
Just a few minutes ago, DH was reading over my shoulder as I read mrc's song for me. Hee hee. Then I had to explain.
I was actually kind of relieved when we got Internet at home, so I could show him OT. It felt like a secret before. He still doesn't really understand why I would get involved in the lives of people I "don't know". But the thing is, I feel like I do know you all. I really believe that almost everyone on OT is who they are IRL. It's different from other places. It's community.
I haven't told him that I'm considering starting the blog I had to sign up for to comment on blogs. I'd let him see it, I think. I've made many attempts at keeping a journal in the past. I have written records of my pregnancies and some special trips I kept a journal. This wouldn't be a big stretch.
I probably wouldn't show my family, because then I couldn't grip about them. :D Mabe my friends, since they are all so far away now, we might as well keep in touch on the Net.
Wow, so far it seems the consensus is that most of us tell (or let our spouses find out) about OT. I do feel a little weird that I seem to be more secretive about my blog than you guys. The only defense I have is that my DH and I are together during *all* of his down time. He has no other friends because he'd rather be home with me and the kids. I recently asked him to get a hobby and so far he will go play pool (by himself) and he is going to take golf lessons. I guess I felt like we were too connected, and I needed some space.
Thanks for your answers, I love to know how things work in other's peoples lives. It helps me know how abnormal I am.
I want DH to get a hobby too. He gets grumpy on the weekends and I want to shoo him out of the house, but he has nowhere to go so he just sits around being grumpy.
*hugs*
You are so not abnormal. So there.
Well, welcome to one of my Dh's biggest gripes. I tell him all about it, but he prefers not to read it all.
I will tell you that I had scheduled a peep meet at our house about a month ago, and he thought I was absolutely crazy. So, we switched to a restaurant. (Breezy, Hobbs, and RudyRules) After meeting those peeps he decided I wasn't out for romance....
Now, on the flip side- I used to get really, really po'd when he'd chat online with other women. The thing was- it was one of the "adult" sites. So basically, he was talking to women who posted naked pics of themselves on the net. I mean, come on. I'm not supposed to get mad about that?
So, anyway I think that is his only experiance w/ online chat/discussion boards. Weird nekkid ladies trying to get men to talk to them.
He thinks I'm looking for something else, but I keep reiterating that I only need to make friends for my own sanity. He has his hunting and fishing buddies, and he expects me to make friends w/ their wives. I don't like them, so why pretend and be friends w/ them? I meet people here that I actually like.
Like I said before- he is for sure my best friend, but not my only one. We still have a spat about my internet habits about once a week- I just keep repeating myself. He's slowly gaining acceptance. Maybe I can get him into OT; that might ease his concerns, but he's not interested.
This is getting really long, so I'll quit there. I'm a rambler today.
Consider it your special space in the world. I have come to love my OT friends as much as I love my real life friends. My husband pretty much ignores my tales of my on line friends and my best friend was once worried/appalled at my on line world but now we kind of joke about it. In fact, my OT friends are actually now just my friends. I know them so well that I feel no need to qualify them as my on line friends.
And its kind of fun to annoy Coco. (See? Like that.)
Rose, I can definitely see why you would have a problem with him talking to nekkid ladies. And of course, that is why he is so suspicious, because it is what he saw for himself.
It's hard to explain OT without someone being able to experience it.
Seana, buy him golf lessons or something. I would go crazy like that. In fact, I did. ;-)
Monstah! The fact that you tore yourself away from that darling little Nathaniel just to post on my blog...well, I'm honored.
Welcome, and *smooch*
*sigh* DH knows of OT and has read it before, but he wouldn't be able to find it without help.
He has no idea about my blog and I will be keeping it thatwaythankyou.
A couple weeks ago I was having a pretty serious and open discussion with someone thru email and unfortunately I forgot to close my email window and he read the emails. Needless to say I was very upset. He was upset because I don't talk to him, I was upset at him for not respecting my privacy.
*whacks Monsty*
MM, I promise not to criticise your grammar unless you ask me to. Honest. Monsty is a special case.
Anyway, Eric knows all about it, has a login name, and never goes there. He asks about you guys sometimes, though. Even my mom asks me how things are, especially since Bob started posting. (For those of you who don't know, Bob and I have been friends since high school, an astronomical fourteen years ago.)
My hubby knows about Survivorblows, knows I spend time online there but does not quite "get it". He gets suspicious but I try to put him at ease. He knows there is flirting, but then again I let him know it is harmless. He does not know my user name, although he should be able to figure it out! lol
He has no clue about my journal. I would prefer to keep it that way, but at the same time I kind of want him to know.
As for friends, I think they would think I am a little nuts or that I don't have enough time for them, let alone, peeps online.
I have been to 2 meets. I would love to meet more people b/c so many are great and interesting.
Breezy, I totally understand the email thing, (except of course mine found my blog) it feels like our privacy was invaded (because it was).
Coco, I envy how open things seem to be with you and DH, and even your mom! That is really awesome to have RL people to share it with. I did know about Bob, and I am happy you brought her here.
Jen, ditto on the friends. I don't even bother sharing this with mine, I think they would look at me funny. Just goes back to people not 'getting' how cool this place is.
Thanks for all the responses, it's exactly what I was looking for.
*smooches* to all!
Ack. I did not read the assignment correctly. Sheez some debut on your blog. Anywho, Jim (aka Mr Monstah) knows who you all are and just recently started taking my on line friendships seriously. Early on, he maintained that you all looked like Comic Book Guy and lived in your parents basement. (this was a small joke on OT for a while. very small.)
Yeah, father of the year he thinks.
Ooops. That last line makes no sense b/c I thought I was typing an instant message to a friend but I guess I never point and clicked on the IM box. (Sorry!)
Hi Tish! I know exactly what you mean about doing the whole deleting thing, just be careful so you don't leave it on accident and end up having to explain!
LOL, Monstah! I wondered about the last remark but chalked it up to a lack of sleep. ;-)
Your DH sounds like mine!
Hi MM!
DH knows all about OT. At first, he would tease me about my "invisible friends" LOL. However, he has since gone on numerous OT peep meets with me, and sees that everyone is terrific. He sometimes still calls them my invisible friends as a joke. Of course, how could I keep OT a secret from him with the Banana Tour going on LOL. He did think that one was weird but he's a terrific sport about it all. He'll carry the banana around, suggest photo ops, etc.
He never reads OT. He's just not interested. We do talk about OT though. If something is going on in the news, he'll sometimes ask what the peeps on OT think about it. I told him I started a blog but he never asked to read it. He just isn't interested about that stuff I guess. I would rather he not visit OT. Not because I'm hiding anything, but it's just my play area. If he did show up, I wouldn't stop him. He'd probably have a lot more friends than I cause he's funny LOL.
He's a gem. He definitely understands that I have made friends and that there are some pretty special people.
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