The party I worked hard for last week was on Saturday night. Well really, it was Saturday afternoon, but I was 4 hours late. By the time I got there, the couple of honor (newlyweds) were having a big fight because the groom's ex-girlfriend showed up. I never saw the bride and groom together, on good terms, after that. I bought them some champagne and candy and stuff and put it into to a gift basket, but never got to see them open it. :( On the plus side, the bride and I got to get to know each other (first time we had met) and she was really nice. Other than the guys all getting wasted and being stupid, it was a really nice party.
It did bring up a question though. I am not sure how to ask this, but I'll try. If you have fat (anywhere) do you cover it with clothing or let it all hang out? I was really surprised at two of the girls at the party. Well, three actually. One was very large, but had no problem doing a lap dance for my DH (he was so freakin' embarrassed) and then she went on to take off her shirt and get in the hot tub. Didn't seem embarrassed at all. Another girl, also quite large, was wearing a fishnet top thingy with her midriff showing. The third girl is a cutie, but very self-conscious about her weight, and yet had no problem dirty dancing in front of everyone. It made me wonder, can you be really self-conscious and still dress/act that way?
In my last entry, I said if I could change something, I would be less conservative and let myself have more fun, without caring what anyone else thought. That is why these girls made an impression on me. They wanted me to get out there and dance with them, and there was No. Way. that would happen. The funny thing is, *I* would have to have a perfect body to be confident enough to get out there like that, but when others do it, imperfections don't bother me at all. I certainly wasn't thinking they *shouldn't* be out there having fun, instead, I was thinking how I wish *I* could have gotten out there and had fun. Also, the bride is a gorgeous girl. Just beautiful. Yet she wouldn't dance or get in the pool or hot tub either. It's so weird how confidence strikes some, and not others.
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18 comments:
It is possible. I'm a zero confidence person but I'm confident enough in my lack of confidence to sorta not care what people think. Sort of.
I am currently wearing baggier shirts than normal because I've put on about 15 lbs and I won't let it all hang out. Not so much because I care what other people will say but more that I don't feel comfortable because I care what I think. If that makes sense.
Also, alcohol plays a part. Give me a couple of drinks and I loosen up quite a bit and have been known to do things that I otherwise would not have.
I'm pretty comfortable in my skin and don't really care what people think. Personally, if I ever had plastic surgury it would be to reverse gravity since I have a nice set of legs except for that whole gravity thing ;-)
Oddly, as small as I am now, I have always considered myself fat and when I was younger it did bother me a great deal. Now that I am older I realize how much I missed by thinking that way.
British royalty always invite the ex-gfs to their weddings and such, so it must be "proper". Lol at them having a big fight at the party. I was raised to not "make a scene" in public occasions and save your disgreement/blow-up for a private moment.
I think everyone had a 4 hour headstart on the drinks, so they were loose and ready to let it all hang by the time you arrived.
I like to see people who are comfortable in their own skins, no matter how much skin they have, but I have never understood the muffin top girls. Baring your midriff fat roll just isn't sexy to me. It says 'fashion victim' instead of 'sexy woman'.
Also? I don't equate confidence with dirty dancing or getting nekkid and/or into a communal hot tub. The insecure do all those things all the time, I think. Confidence is being true to yourself.
Interesting point. I've noticed quite a lot of larger people letting it all hang out. I am quite large now (+30 on HS weight) - opposed to where I used to be - and alterntate between being self-concious and not. I try to keep it covered and have bought an old-ladies bathing suit for this summer - Tankini with a skirt bottom. I'll probably wear a bikini bottom while sun bathing but put the skirt bottom on when walking back and forth.
One of my bestest has developed a belly and she is not shy about it at all. At her BD party at Joe's Crab Shack she got on a chair and danced while they sang HB to her. Then she has never been shy about anything.
I've discovered that all my life I have prided myself on not being vain. I don't fuss over my hair - fix it in the morning and don't touch it again. I don't fuss over my makeup. When I put it on it does what it's going to do the rest of the day. But I am verrrrry vain. I just pretend not to be.
I am fat all over and I do not let it hang out in any way. I try to stay as covered as possible at all times. I constantly worry about what other people think of me, and I have no self esteem. Um, what was the question? Heh. Like others said, alcohol can play a big part in "confidence". It gives you false confidence and lowers your inhibitions. I am much more relaxed when I have a few drinks in me, but I would never, ever take off my shirt in public. Never. *shudder*
*dances for mm*
I would have danced, but probably not too dirty.
I have some belly fat and it stays hidden. Too many beers in college.
I have traded shirts once at a party playing truth or dare jenga. It was pretty dark though. :)
I guess what I'm trying to say is: I have no problem putting myself out there, but I don't want to regret what I've done the next day. So maybe I'm a controlled extrovert.
I agree with Swami about the "muffin top" rolls. I just don't think that looks good at all. Wearing clothes that fit make you look much better.
I have not and would not let my body shape keep me out of the pool or hottub or anything like that.
I would NEVER dance in front of people reagardless of the situation.
I grew up in fairly hippie area, so nekkidness/"ugly" bodies is not such an issue with me. Poorly fitted clothes are a different story.
I love Truth or Dare Jenga. The best "tiles" are the ones where you get to make up your own truths or dares.
HA! I'm the gal who hates taking off her sunglasses because I feel like my face is way too fat.
I'll be back to finish this thought.
I have some but not too much body fat and I hate the idea of wearing anything that accentuates the fat rolls. My shorts I wear to do yeardwork or play tennis have tight elastic that makes the fat roll over them.
Frankly, I'd probably be more comfortable naked than walking around with just those shorts and no shirt.
And it would take a lot (of tequila) to get me to do the dancing thing!
Okay to finish my thought. It's a very interesting question. I think people wear their weight very differently - some well, others not as much.
I have certain shirts that look great, where others don't. I personally don't like to show too much belly, but I don't have a problem showing my shoulders.
I was at the pool the other day, and I saw someone wearing a bikini who, imo, should not have been. It was like she was trying to squeeze 10 gallons of crap into a 5-gallon bag.
If your clothes look too small, chances are you look like crap.
Ok, good. So I'm not the only one who would say that some body types shouldn't wear all types of clothing? Hell, some types of clothing shouldn't be allowed on *any* type of body, IMO.
I often see women who are maybe 10-15 pounds overweight, and I think, "if they had worn something a little less form fitting, I would have never noticed the excess weight". KWIM?
I just think sometimes more attention is drawn to the very areas they are probably most self-conscious about.
'It is possible. I'm a zero confidence person but I'm confident enough in my lack of confidence to sorta not care what people think. Sort of.'
What Carey said makes perfect sense to me.
Sometimes I would get out there and dance and to hell with the flab, and sometimes I wouldn't.
I totally agree about the fashion victim business. Most slender girls look crappy in low-rise pants, let alone anyone with some extra weight. Cover it up and you look ten times better.
(says someone who has pants that are very unflattering. I try to wear them at home only, however)
Okay, bear in mind that I am probably closer to the small end of the spectrum than most.
I don't give a damn how much a person weighs (altho, in friends, I do worry about how it could affect their health over time) as long as they make an effort to look nice in public. IMO, that means not showing too much skin or wearing clothes that do not accentuate the figure. That goes for all body types, really. Most people don't look good in shorty shorts or ultra low rise pants or VERY tight tops.
On to your other question...a lot of how I will act depends on the company I am around. I wouldn't dirty dance at an office party, but I might at a club. I'm not sure I'd take off my top to jump in a hot tub with just anyone around. The few times I've done those two or similar things, I've been with close girlfriends or "couple" friends.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that size doesn't matter, it's all in how you present yourself. If you care enough about your body to not be self concious and look good, then by all means, have fun!
I am a bigger girl, and I hate when I see someone who is my size letting it all show, or wearing something that is not made for our bodies. This is one of the reasons I only shop at certain stores.
However I have seen some smaller girls wear things that no one should wear too. Yes I think everyone should be comfortable with what they have on, but some things need left to the imagination no matter what size.
My thoughts:
On the one hand, I look at what some people wear, and think to myself, "Do they honestly think that looks good on them?"
But on the other hand, I admire someone who has the self-confidence to reject what society tells us is attractive, and to feel good about themselves anyway. I mean, who is anyone to tell someone else that they should be ashamed of their body, and try to make them feel like they are ugly and somehow less than a person than the woman who is a size 4? Just because a person does not meet society's criteria or another person's criteria for what is beautiful or attractive or whatever, does not make it so.
Arkie, you're right of course. Everyone should be able to wear whatever they want, and for the most part, I think they do. My issue is (for me) that I assume I would be inviting criticism if I wore certain things. Some clothes scream, "look at me", and when you wear something like that, people *will* judge you, whether it's right or wrong. I think Momma nailed it when she said it's not about weight, but how you present yourself.
Welcome back Syren!! *smooches*
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