Monday, February 27, 2006
How long is too long?
I have a smut question for you today. I'd like to know how long is too long to go without sex, or to even withhold it, if necessary? I'm not sure I'll need to, but I'm considering going on strike until DH learns that I am not going to give it every other day. If that makes me a frigid prude, so be it. I'm just tired of the expectation, and it takes some enjoyment out of it when I feel like I *have* to put out. Has anyone either had to withhold, or had it withheld, and what was the duration? I'm thinking of a week or two at most, and I'd probably end up giving it during that time, as long as it wasn't asked for. Is this cruel? Abusing my power as a woman?
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20 comments:
Cruel, but from what you've already said, necessary.
My first husband, the professor, withheld sex all the time - he was really big on control. Notice the term "first".
I would not recommend a strike of more than a week. That's a reasonable amount of time; two weeks may be pushing it.
I know a week would be way to long to hold out for me... but of course I'd be happy to have it every other day. Err, what about talking to him instead??
If you're not feeling like having sex, you shouldn't be forced to. Now as for how long to punish him, a day will be torture so two or three will surely drive the point home, no pun intended.
My ex use to with hold, but just to tease me.
How long is to long? Hmmm. How long can you do with out it is the question.
I think double the time you usually go is "a long time."
Anyway, I'm not sure I'd go the withholding route. I did that for awhile with Chris and he just got fed up with constantly being denied and quit trying. It led nowhere good.
I wish I could see options for you. He really does need to back off for a while.
I don't like the idea of getting him back, just because that never worked well over here.
I have to agree with Kim on this one. Not sure if it's really a good idea. Talking about how you feel, over and over and over until he gets it if necessary, sounds like a better idea.
Well, let me try something else then. I will tell him that I want to try something different, and that for a short while we will try only having me initiate sex, as long as he agrees not to put pressure on me. If he does, then no sex. This way, we can see how much better it can be if I feel as though I'm an active participant.
I was going to try and make light of it, almost like a playful thing, instead of something serious and bad. *sigh* I guess I can try talking to him *again* but I don't feel confident he'll truly get it.
Tell him that you're willing to keep to the every other day routine but only if I get to join in...
Damn! If you're going to join in we'd be doing it more than every other day! *swoon*
*blush*
Seriously, could you make him a deal something like this: Take turns initiating. Het initiates the first time ... but then you don't have sex again until YOU initiate (and he is not allowed to complain about it or otherwise pressure you). Then it is his turn to initiate again. Then yours.
I know that still puts you in the position of being "obligated" half the time, but at least it give you some respite for a while when it's your turn to initiate.
There must be some way to improve on that plan...
I'm not big on the holding out game unless it's just for the purpose of fun and teasing. Michelle and i play taht game every now and again and it can be fun.
But to make a point? Not such a great idea. I would just say no when you aren't in the mood. If he doesn't like it, too bad.
I'm just not much into using sex as a game unless both partners are into the game. *shrug*
I think you should hold out for a couple weeks, but only because of my "misery loves company" philosophy.
It depends on your goal, I guess. What are you trying to accomplish? Are you trying to get him to leave you? Two months. Just trying to improve his umm, performance? Three days - no longer! ;-)
FTR - I know there have been times in my marriage where *months* went by.... not for several years, thankfully.
Having been the person on the other end of this type of thing, I just can't endorse anyone doing this. If you don't want to have sex, then you shouldn't, but to not have sex to make a point or teach a lesson, I think that's just not a good idea.
Well, thanks so much for all the input. I guess after reading all your comments I'll go ahead and just have a talk with him. I'll let him know that by asking so much, he's turning me off, and hopefully, that will be enough to get him to back off for a while.
Lately though, even when he's not being pushy, I'm just not in the mood for it/him. *sigh*
If only HD would *really* come over! (BTW, I really like the idea you shared, HD)
I always think, I am gonna hold out. Then it becomes torture for me, so I give in.
Not the one to give advice on this I guess.
But I DO really like your idea of taking turns initiating (that HD, he's so smart). It's can add to the surprise factor.
Hee! Look at you, trying to be a prude. Is that your definition of a prude? Holding out on sex?
It's not that we "prudes" don't have sex or even hold out on it, it's just that we choose to keep all of that stuff private. Never kiss & tell!
I think, instead of holding out on him, you should just whack him in the balls with a baseball bat. That oughta keep him out of comission for awhile and it will have the same effect! *grin*
*snort* at Nutz.
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